©2002 Ed Buckner, Council for Secular Humanism, www.secularhumanism.org
Many religious people (especially Christians), including presumably well-intentioned relatives of mine, have used this “let’s just be fair, at least for the children’s sake” tactic with me. The strong implications of the question were that I may be a lost soul, that my son (he’s grown now, but this was directed at me when he was a child) could still be saved, that simple exposure to Sunday School/church/the Bible would be enough to persuade him, and that I was systematically, tyrannically, depriving him of the chance to have eternal life.
An underlying assumption, as is often the case with those who oppose secular humanism, is that my lack of belief is tantamount to immorality and thus dangerous. None of my questioners ever seemed to be aware of the ease with which this demand for fairness could be turned back on them. None had ever, so far as I know, even considered permitting any young people in their care to read essays critical of religion or to attend a secular humanist meeting, for example. None ever seemed to realize that I had been exposed to the very stimuli they wanted me to make sure my son got, or that the exposure had helped lead me to freethought and secular humanism. Certainly none seemed aware of the insulting, arrogant implications of their question: that my own views were ill-considered, immoral, thoughtlessly adopted, and that I was willing to deprive my son of access to their “Great Truth,” of eternal salvation, just to defend my own foolishness.
Because those who ask such questions are generally unaware of the highly insulting nature of their query, it behooves secular humanists and freethinkers who are asked this by people they care about to approach the answer with some caution. First, assuming it is true, assure your questioner that your children are free to make up their own minds and do their own investigating; that they are welcome to read anything they wish or to attend any event where you’re convinced the children will be physically safe.
You could say something similar to what Dan Barker said on the Phil Donahue Show in 1988: “I tell my kids to use their own minds, to look at all the facts, to question authority when necessary, to let no one tell them what to think, not even me, their mom, their teacher, their minister. They have a good mind.” (Barker, Losing Faith in Faith, Freedom From Religion Foundation, 1992, p. 275). Then calmly describe your own knowledge and experience with the kind of reading or events the questioner is recommending, explaining briefly why any such reading or experience did not “work” for you.
Then—but probably only then—it may be time to ask the questioner if his own children have read Bertrand Russell’s widely available essay, “Why I Am Not A Christian”; or, if the children are still young, ask if they have read Dan Barker’s Maybe Right, Maybe Wrong: A Guide for Young Thinkers (Prometheus Books). Or ask about something by your own favorite writer: Robert Ingersoll, Carol Faulkenberry, Thomas Paine, Matilda Joslyn Gage, Steve Allen, Norm Allen, Gordon Stein, Elizabeth Cady Stanton, George H. Smith, Paul Kurtz, Thomas Jefferson, Frances Wright, Tom Flynn, or Massimo Pigliucci.
Then ask if his children have been to a local secular humanist or freethought organization meeting or to the closest Center for Inquiry yet; and don’t forget to invite the adult to accompany the children to the next event.
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